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2019 Comic Cons!!


This year I will be attending 2 comic cons and I’m pretty excited about it! The first one will be Salt City Comic Con in Syracuse, NY on July 6th & 7th. The second one will be RocCon in Rochester, NY on September 14th & 15th. Salt City, this will be my 3rd year vending at and it’s always fun, last year was a blast and can’t wait for this year! Plus where they have it, we save up the money and stay right at the hotel, which is a Hilton so we get to feel awesome for a weekend staying at that type of hotel lol.

RocCon is a new one that I will be vending at, 2 years ago they asked me why I didn’t apply to their con and said didn’t have the money, they were okay about it. But this year we got the money and I am able to vend there, I’m excited and can’t wait to see how that adventure will go. With RocCon we don’t have to get a hotel because it’s only 45 mins from our house.

I used to do RetroGameCon however, my first year I did really well, but after that I wasn’t doing so well sales wise. So we came to a conclusion that it isn’t worth the money or time to do it anymore. Maybe later down the road I’ll do it again just for the hell of it, but right now I’m not sure. I do miss doing it but, to me I think they put too much things on day 1 so when day 2 arrives there isn’t as much stuff to do or see.

So, on top of the 2 comic cons, I will be doing about 4 local events, which I am really excited about. The one event is here in town, Christmas in Medina, NY which is an all day event. They have activities all day and then a parade of lights that start around 6pm. I was a vendor last year and it was fun and did really well, even if it did rain lol.

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No Electronics!


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Today we are trying to keep Trent off the electronics today, he’s been on them way too much this past week with having no school. At first he complained, but after a while he got out Lego’s and started playing. I love when he decides to be an actual kid and play with all the toys we have bought him. I think we need to cut back on the electronic usage again.

I’ve been giving into him to much, letting him on his tablet or Nintendo DS all so I can get stuff done without him pestering me. Basically, letting the electronics be the caretaker while I do stuff. Well no more of doing that, since being off it today his attitude hasn’t been as bad as it is when he’s on his tablet.

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Ugh, I Need to Vent


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So this was a while ago, we decided to go out for dinner cause we had been shopping all day and Trent was getting hungry. Then Dave decides to snap a picture of us and I’m just disgusted with how it came out.

Like I knew I was a big person, obviously I know that but I didn’t know I looked like this. I just don’t see why Dave is still in love when I look like this. No wonder why people give me looks in public. No wonder why no one wants to be friends.

I’ve let my weight get to a number I am ashamed of and I really need to work on getting that down before I end up with some medical issues. Knock on wood, I’ve had blood tests done and they all come back normal.

I really want to get some of this weight off, I have a goal of starting at 50lbs then more after that. However, I can’t seem to stick to a diet, I always end up failing in the long run. What doesn’t help is having almost NO support in my life. I’ve said I want to cut things out but people get mad cause that means they can’t have it. I’ve said if it’s in the house I’m going to be tempted to eat or drink it, if I get rid of it I won’t be wanting it right?!

But, apparently I’m just fucking crazy and don’t know what I’m thinking. I just want to lose some weight and be happy, I’m sick of living this damn shitty life always feeling down about myself. With having all this weight it doesn’t fucking help, so on top of dealing with the weight my depression has gotten worse. My counseling sessions are seeming to help anymore, well part of that is my fault cause I don’t tell the truth to my counselor. I just feel like he don’t care, so why waste my breath explaining stuff if someone ain’t going to care?! My medicine got an increase, so that helps every now and then.

But Goddamn this depression is getting out of hand, I’m tired of the sadness, I’m tired of always crying when no one is looking. I just want to be some what normal and have a decent life. Not this sitting at home everyday looking at the same 4 walls with nothing to do.

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Happy Halloween!!


This year Trent has decided to go as Harry Potter. He’s watched a few of the movies but still refuses to read the books lol. He’s really obsessed with the Harry Potter series. It’s nice to see him like something other that Thomas the Train lol. He was so excited when he seen I bought him the costume, then his Gigi found glasses and he flipped out even more!

He had a little party at school and he said his friends loved his costume and that some of the teachers where loving it as well. I’m glad to see no one picked on him for something like that, cause where we live that’s common for bullying on what you like especially stuff like this.

Tonight him and daddy went out trick or treating and had a blast. I stayed home to pass out candy and of course the year I pass out candy hardly anyone comes down our street. Think next year I’ll just go along with Dave and Trent trick or treating.

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Back to School!


Hard to believe Trent is 9 years old and starting the 4th grade!! Plus, he’s starting in the middle school this year. Hard to believe he’s going into middle school, seems like yesterday he was starting kindergarten, where has the time gone?!

With starting in the middle school he has to now take band, so they suggested he take clarinet cause that is what best suits him. He took summer lessons and did really good with them, we are beyond proud of him!

 

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Life


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Life has been a roller coaster lately and I am so ready for it to be over with this ride. I think a lot of it has to do with me personally, mainly with my depression. I’ve been on the same meds for like 4 months now and it’s actually working with no side effects unlike the last one. Well, it works when it wants to, I still have my down days which makes life dull and boring and it pisses people off, cause all I wanna do is sleep and veg out on the couch.

I’ve actually been going to counseling *gasp* I’ve actually stuck with it as well. I’ve been going for a few months now. After my first visit, I sat down and wrote out a lot of stuff that had happened to me thru the years, it was a total of 5 pages lol. It took a few visits to counseling but we worked thru all the things. It felt good getting that stuff out and talking to someone non-related about the stuff I went thru. However, I still feel like crud when I go to counseling. I’ll lie to my counselor and tell him things are okay when in reality, I just wanna give up on life. I’m not sure why I lie to him about it but I do, I’m not sure what to do anymore.

I’m having more days where I feel as if I am just a waste of space, like no one truly cares about me, it’s all talk to just make me feel better. I try to talk to “friends” and it’s like I’m just wasting their time, cause I’m not talking about what they wanna talk about. I feel like I have no one I can turn to and talk to, when I know I at least have my counselor but I think I’m afraid of getting judged, like I always have in life. So as usual, I go to my music to try and calm me down. I’m just sick of feeling this way, next week I go to the doctors, maybe my meds need an adjustment or something, or just need to talk to someone about my problems. However, not always when I talk does it make life better, the problems are still there waiting for me as soon as I leave the counseling building.

Maybe moving away from family is what I need, this way I can clear my head and not worry or hear about my families problems, cause I don’t care but they manage to still bother me, go figure. I just wanna be happy and live my life the way I want to and where I want to, but that’ll never f**king happen!