Random Discussions

Trying to love myself


I’m the type of person who is always downing herself but will praise others. I don’t see beauty in myself but can see it in others. I honestly don’t know why I am this way, it may have something to do with being bullied as a child, always being called fat & ugly, maybe it’s just something I’ve implanted in my mind because that’s what I see when I look in the mirror. I wish I knew why I feel this way, I don’t care about myself and at times just give up, it’s what I do, always give up on things.

I’ve been trying to change all this ever since I met my fiance 9 years ago. He is always telling me I’m beautiful, smart and a great person to be around and that so many people think the same way. If that’s so why do I feel like that’s not true, I feel the complete opposite. Yes I’m plus size, have been since I was about 12 years old, back then I was like maybe 20lbs over weight, now a days I’m way overweight, I have PCOS and it’s a bitch. I’ve tried to lose weight & the struggle is bad.

Lately I’ve been having a lot of bad days, I get really down and depressed, a lot of that is because I do have depression but refuse medicine cause I can control it, and my son has been a terror lately. But every so often I’ll be sitting on the couch working on projects and I’ll pick up my phone and just start taking pictures of myself and laugh at them and actually like them. I feel like I’m beautiful and no matter what I am completely happy, but then a few days later it goes away. It’s really tough trying to overcome something you’ve dealt with for a very long time.

I know I’m getting better at starting to love myself and see myself as a good and beautiful person, but it’s a progress that’s going to take sometime. I know I may sound crazy with this post but everyone’s life is different and mine is definitely different.

Here are a few of my photos I’ve taken on days when I feel positive about myself, and I’ve had a good laugh over them every time I look at them. I will admit I’ve gotten better with feeling positive but it will always be a struggle.

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                               These are from 08.15.2016 I had fun taking these

 

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                      These are from 08.25.2016 and had a good laugh over these
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