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What happened?


What happened to how things used to be? Yes we all have to grow up but does that mean life has to become complicated and you give up on things you used to enjoy doing like hobbies?

Growing up I didn’t really like doing much, I stayed home and had absolutely no life. As I got older like 16 (2003) I started to write poems & short stories, also sometimes I would do some drawing. As I got little bit older around 20 (2007) I for some reason just stopped, more like around 2008 is when I stopped. Occasionally I would do some drawing but not worth showing anyone. Then in 2012 I started up sewing, I hadn’t sewn anything since I was in middle school.

I had fun sewing stuff, but as usual I’m just bored with sewing, which is not good because that’s part of my business 😦 The whole not sewing thing I think is because I just got worn out, always having family want me to make them stuff (I have a problem saying no) then trying to make stuff for the shop & some of it not selling. Then on top of all that I was doing a lot of sewing for gaming conventions, I think last years convention is what really caused me to not want to sew anymore. I was severely disappointed with how that weekend went, I had made so much stuff & barely sold anything, I’m lucky if I sold 1/4 of what I brought.

Crocheting is another thing I enjoyed doing, but I am slowly getting bored with it. Like there’s so much I’d love to crochet but then I get it in my mind that I don’t need to because it will be just a cluster added to the rest of the cluster in my house.

Heck I used to blog a lot but anymore I don’t keep up with it, I just run out of things to type about. 😦

So I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying to enjoy the hobbies I love but I just can’t seem to & my sewing stuff alone takes up a lot of room & I feel horrible cause I have it all set up but feel bleh when it comes to sewing. I miss writing but can’t ever think of anything to write. AHHHH why does it have to be like this? How the hell do I get out of this funk?!

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Great Grandparents 


I grew up around my great grandparents, but unfortunately died years before I had T. I wish they were alive to meet him because they would just love him so much. But thankfully T gets to be around his great grandparents has a child. He is the 1st great grandson so he gets quite spoiled by them. T loves them so much and thinks it’s awesome when he gets to spend the night at their house. 
This picture is from the Christmas party that was at the VFW that Ts great grandpa signed him up for. I told them.before we left that I wanted a photo of them. I honestly don’t have many of the 3 of them, and if anything was to ever happen we’ll always have our memories & photos. It’s always fun seeing T spend time with them & it does them good to, to have someone like T around. 

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RetroGameCon 2016 Recap!


Giant greeting sign (1/2) that was like right above/in front of us
Giant greeting sign (1/2) that was like right above/in front of us

This years RetroGameCon was a two day event, November 5th & 6th. We were excited about attending this year again as artists. This years convention was held at the OnCenter in Syracuse, NY and boy is that place HUGE!!! As mentioned we were excited but as we left on day 2 I personally wasn’t happy.

Day 1 table set up
Day 1 table set up

Day 1 we got there early like told to & got all set up for the day. We were located in a not so good spot, our table was surrounded by mainly vendors who sold video games & stuff, so at first we thought man this would be great, but in reality it hurt my business, drastically. We had a lot of people who would start walking to our table then immediately get pulled to the tables next to us because they were selling games.

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Besides from bad location, we did have fun seeing all the cosplay, there were a lot of amazing ones & of course some that made you shake your head. There was this one guy who was wearing one of those inflatable dino costumes & was doing Dance Dance Revolution, boy that was funny as fuck to watch. There was just a lot of cosplay that was simply awesome!

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Day 2 set up

Day 2 we set up, made the table look a bit better (I thought it did) and waited for the convention to start. We had hopes that it would be an even better day because admission was only $10/person, but boy we were wrong. I think everyone suffered on day 2, because not many people showed up.

Tamaki!!!
Tamaki!!!

I think the only good thing that came out of day 2 was a certain cosplayer, when we arrived I seen the person & I knew who it was but part of me wasn’t sure. I asked D to go over and ask because I was too shy lol. Next thing I know the person is coming over & handing me a rose saying their famous line in character. It was Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club, which is one of my favorite animes and then I was given a rose. I thought that was awesome & I could feel my face turning red as well because it was awesome & something I’m not used to because of having social issues.

Our badge this year
Our badge this year

Overall RetroGameCon is an amazing event in Syracuse NY, will I return next year? You bet your ass!! This year wasn’t so good for me, due to I didn’t even sell half the stuff I brought. However, I did get my business name out there and gave out a ton of business cards. So I may have not sold much at the con, but I did have a blast with seeing cosplay, other artists & just having fun being around stuff that is amazing.

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Happy Halloween!!


T as Capitan America

Halloween this year was a lot of fun, at first didn’t think D was going to be able to go due to work but he decided to call off 🙂 

Group photo

A friend of ours who is like a sister & her son came over then we went out trick-or-treating. We only hit a few streets but the boys did get a decent amount of candy. Of course this being western new york, it was cold when we started & kept getting colder. 

My aunt & grams passing out candy @ my grams place

Later after our friend & son went home T wanted to watch “Spookley the Square Pumpkin”. Trent had a good time except at one house, the lady was a bit older & took forever passing out candy. So the kids had to wait & wait, once it was their turn the lady asked T if he was banging his bucket on the stairs railing, he said yes & she said well you don’t get any candy. Seriously?! These kids are waiting forever & just being kids & you’re going to do that? Poor T he ran to us crying, he’s just bad & can’t have candy. Of course other parents are looking at us giving us looks, like really people, it was bullshit, but whatever we left bitching & D was highly pissed off. It took a while before T was calmed down & back to himself, it really bothered him. Needless to at we know where to not go next year. Atleast he was able to finish his Halloween on a good note with chicken nuggets & a movie 🙂

We hope you all had a fun/safe Halloween. Have you ever had a problem like we did this year?! 

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Broken arm


It was Friday 09.30.2016, myself & D were relaxing and getting ready to eat lunch when I got the phone call. I recognized the number it was the school, I looked at D and said “now what?”. It was the school nurse, she said that the kids were out at recess and T was up on the slide and fell off the side & the kids were saying it was about 4 feet. T is crying and saying his arm hurts, you need to come get him & get him checked out. My heart sank because I knew, if he was crying that much it was very serious. D quickly got ready & started walking to the school (we live like 4 blocks away) & I called my ma saying needed to get to Ts school cause he fell and have to take him to the hospital.

At our hospital when it first happened

We take him to our local hospital, the poor kid is in so much pain, had two ice packs on his arm. Took forever til the doctor finally came in to see him & request x-rays. Get the x-rays done and wait again for an answer. Found out he fractured his wrist & forearm bone buckled. They put him in a splint & sent us home. We gave him some Motrin & let him sleep. A few hours later & research on a buckled bone, we weren’t happy on how the hospital treated T with his arm. So little after 1 am we take a trip to Rochester Strong hospital for a better opinion on his arm.

 
We get there is 2am and we get told where to go, apparently they have a separate section for children in the emergency department. After about 2 or so hours we are finally seen & explained everything, they were kinds stunned about what our hospital did. Finally they did x-rays as well and said the same our hospital did BUT they actually casted Ts arm. He picked out blue which is his favorite color. He was so good about being at the hospital from 2am – 7am, what helped was they had TV and he got to pick movies to watch & of course they had Thomas & Friends so we watched that. The room was a split room so there was another patient, who was a little boy maybe 2 years old with a nasty cold. But the kids played together, found out they both love trains lol.

Getting his cast

We are official parents to a child who’s broke their bone. It was a very stressful day getting him proper care but that’s what parents do 🙂 He still has the cast on and is already getting tired of it but loves he don’t have to do gym til further notice. Whenever our insurance stops being assholes he’ll finally be seen by a orthopedic surgeon, that doctor however did take out of his own time to quickly look at his x-rays and said Rochester did right by casting it, and that when we are able to get an appointment with him, that he’ll remove Ts current cast, let him itch his arm, clean it & put a new cast on. So let’s hope my insurance will get me the damn referral I need since he has an appointment Wednesday.

 
It’s been an interesting journey having to help a kid care for a broken arm. It can be challenging at times as well, cause T likes to try and do a lot he normally would & can’t due to the cast. Let’s hope soon his arm will heal great & will no longer need the cast much longer.

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RetroGameCon 2016!!


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This post is a bit over due, but I will be attending RetroGameCon again this year and will be in the Artist Alley. At first I was a little bit skeptical about going but decided to just do it. This year the event is 2 days so that means I have a lot of stuff I need to get done. But being the way that I am, I am procrastinating again, I’ve had a few months to get stuff done and I’ve only gotten magnets finished. I need to stop putting stuff off and get things done, but finding the energy is not easy. Another issue of mine is actually figuring out what exactly to make and how much of everything since last year I did up pillows, dice bags, etc and I’m lucky if half of it sold. But, I know I will get everything done in time, just gotta stay off of World of Warcraft, since the new expansion I’ve been working on that instead. Convention is a little over 6 weeks away, wish me luck on getting stuff ready in time!!! I know I can’t wait to go, it’s going to be fun and interesting like it was last year!!

 

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Trying to love myself


I’m the type of person who is always downing herself but will praise others. I don’t see beauty in myself but can see it in others. I honestly don’t know why I am this way, it may have something to do with being bullied as a child, always being called fat & ugly, maybe it’s just something I’ve implanted in my mind because that’s what I see when I look in the mirror. I wish I knew why I feel this way, I don’t care about myself and at times just give up, it’s what I do, always give up on things.

I’ve been trying to change all this ever since I met my fiance 9 years ago. He is always telling me I’m beautiful, smart and a great person to be around and that so many people think the same way. If that’s so why do I feel like that’s not true, I feel the complete opposite. Yes I’m plus size, have been since I was about 12 years old, back then I was like maybe 20lbs over weight, now a days I’m way overweight, I have PCOS and it’s a bitch. I’ve tried to lose weight & the struggle is bad.

Lately I’ve been having a lot of bad days, I get really down and depressed, a lot of that is because I do have depression but refuse medicine cause I can control it, and my son has been a terror lately. But every so often I’ll be sitting on the couch working on projects and I’ll pick up my phone and just start taking pictures of myself and laugh at them and actually like them. I feel like I’m beautiful and no matter what I am completely happy, but then a few days later it goes away. It’s really tough trying to overcome something you’ve dealt with for a very long time.

I know I’m getting better at starting to love myself and see myself as a good and beautiful person, but it’s a progress that’s going to take sometime. I know I may sound crazy with this post but everyone’s life is different and mine is definitely different.

Here are a few of my photos I’ve taken on days when I feel positive about myself, and I’ve had a good laugh over them every time I look at them. I will admit I’ve gotten better with feeling positive but it will always be a struggle.

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                               These are from 08.15.2016 I had fun taking these

 

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                      These are from 08.25.2016 and had a good laugh over these